As I’ve been trawling the Perth city streets in search of a new place to live, I’ve thought a lot about what makes a place, a suburb or an area really desirable or not.
Actually, scratch out the word ‘thought’ and insert ‘drawn blood’.
I’ve agonised too much. I’m always in search of elusive permanence I guess, and the older I get the more I fret.
In Perth where you live depends a lot on your own preferences because we’re lucky to have so many choices; north or south of the Swan River, and near to the beach or not, each decision throwing up its own set of provisos and considerations, commutes to the city and the different (read expensive or more expensive) rental prices.
Anyway it’s made me distill my thoughts into what’s important and what’s not, and being able to chuck out the rest as way of compromise in order to find somewhere we’re going to be happy living and putting our feet up in the city. (At heart I think we are country bumpkins.)
We’ve considered the options of downsizing to a town house close to where it’s all happening which would mean getting rid of a lot of our stuff, or renting a furnished apartment in the city centre which would mean paying to keep most of our stuff in storage, and we’ve considered living in a house further out of the city within a pretty location with a nice view where we could unpack all our furniture.
When children have left home people our age might begin wondering about what we really need or want for the next phase of our lives – is it the comfort of a family home, or is it more freedom from domestic responsibility with time perhaps to travel?
I’ve thought a lot about these things, and maybe many of you might be in the same boat as you consider selling a house and moving to something more suited to the two of you, or perhaps you’re moving because of a job change or to be closer to relatives or perhaps yo’ve upsized because of the grandies.
Anyway, I’ve been trawling the internet and pounding the streets for much longer than I care to admit and I know we cannot have all the things I’d like within our budget.
So as in most things in life, compromise is required and I believe that finding the right compromise is part and parcel of the art of living the good life and deciding what’s really important in life … I mean like, er …
We can’t have it all, can we? Knowing that and being able to put into practice a level of acceptance, puts us well on the way to being in a position to plan and embrace new adventures.
But at the heart of the matter it seems with this all this searching for the most suitable house I’m actually missing another important point entirely.
Archbishop Tutu has said, “We exist in a bundle of belonging.”
Table of Contents
Where the good life is lived
Hugh Mackay, a social researcher and author of 16 books including The Good Life has this to say:
“The good life is lived at the heart of a thriving community amongst people we trust and in an environment of mutual respect.
The deepest and sweetest truth about human nature is that we are cooperative creatures. Like so many other species on earth we need each other, we are hopeless in isolation. We need people to support us, sustain us and protect us.
He says we are tribe animals, herd animals with a need to nurture and sustain the communities that sustain us.
Do you know your neighbours?
If I’m to be completely honest with you I didn’t really get to know our neighbours in our last house – at least not to the point of having long chats with them. More fool me.
According to Hugh Mackay it’s not just sad but biologically serious when people say, “I don’t know my neighbours” or “I feel like a stranger in my own street,” or “the neighbourhood doesn’t work like a community in the way I remember from years ago,” which is kind of how I felt.
Perhaps it has to do with what’s happening now in contemporary society as the technological, economical and social changes redefine and reshape the way we live.
I agree with Hugh Mackay that most of these changes will have the tendency to de-stabilise local communities and fragment family and make us more than ever able to live behind close doors and feel isolated, discluded or alienated.
Yet, how lucky I personally feel to have my blog and the community that surrounds it. I rely on it and love showing up everyday to see who’s been commenting, or who’s started a conversation on the Lifestyle Fifty facebook page. Seems like a bit of an conundrum because I know lots of other bloggers too who derive great comfort from their online tribes.
Looking a little deeper I’ve been feeling quite a lot of isolation and alientation in the city. My small-town networks have disappeared, my friendship groups have disintegrated and it’s up to me to forge new allegiances in new ways.
Time to Take Action
So, Note to self – I must not retreat into Blogdom completely, I must get to know my neighbours and take up a hobby or sport that involves being with other people in real life.
Oh God, in order to be sociable I may have to take up golf. And with my ball skills that would be a danger to everyone 😉 Lol!
So what do you think … in order to live ‘the good life’, it’s not where you live or what your house is like, but how you live? What do you think living the good life entails?
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I know some of my neighbours very well! But it’s easier when you have kids – you obviously have something in common with other nearby families.
It is so important to have friends outside of the blogging community though. I just joined a running club which I think is fairly radical and am meeting new (fit!) friends through that. Hopefully golfing is in my far distant future – not ready for that yet 😉
Hi Annabel, you’re so right about having kids and making friends. People used to tell me that when ours were younger and I used to think “Pffft, just get on with it, silly old fools! Making friends isn’t hard.” It isn’t hard, it’s just you have to make yourself available, when with kids you were always put into social situations without having to plan. Yes to do something outside of blogging is also imperative. Long distacne running might be a bit beyond me now, but walking wouldn’t. Thanks for giving me a nudge 😉
Hi Jo, I haven’t lived in the city for 40 years so it is hard for me to relate to how locating there would be. I don’t think I would like it. I like living in a regional area, though at times I think Bunbury is getting way too big for me. I wouldn’t mind living somewhere smaller. I know many people who have never got to know the people in their street. We are lucky in that we live in a cul-de-sac – and we all know each other. We don’t live in each other’s pockets but we chat in the street and have occasional BBQs and are around to help each other out.
I don’t have empty nest syndrome yet, but I have just stopped work, and I am yet to establish a new routine and I do worry that it may be easy to become isolated. I know though that I want to be more involved in “arts”. Being part of a community, whether it is physical, social, or a shared interest is very important I think for mental health.
Get out and find a group to join Jo – they will love you like we do! take care xx
Hi Jill, thanks for sharing your thoughts and views on where you’re at in life. It’s interesting the way people feel so differently about regional and city. I’m sitting on the fence as we embark on our city adventure 😉 You will be the most awesome member of the Bunbury art community – well you already are – keep up the great work. Yep, I need to find a group to join 😉
Hi Jo, what a great read. I forgot to tell you at lunch the other day about my plight. The other day in the office the young girl that sits near me said ‘Webby I don’t want to have to work in Fremantle”, I turned to her and said what are you talking about. She said “Check the ‘All Staff Communication’ email that just came out from the Director”. There it was a whole page stating that our CBD Department of Water office will be relocating to either Joondalup, Cockburn, Cannington, Stirling, Fremantle or Osborne Park . So many things went through my head in such a short time. I thought well I’m not driving to Joondalup or Fremantle for work!!! Then I thought why can’t the office be relocated to Dianella? We have 29 people in our section and within less then 10 minutes I think everyone new where each of us resided. People where on Google Maps plugging in Home to each location to see how far away all these locations are from their houses. It was quite comical, but then quite sad. One of the managers came over to my desk and sat in my visitors chair and was nearly in tears. She is a single parent and lives in Fremantle, but has recently had to put her brother in a nursing home in Mt.Lawley. She travels between Fremantle the City and Mt.Lawley daily. She said she just wouldn’t be able to cope if our office if located to Joondalup. I said to her hopefully it will be Fremantle then. She laughed because she knows I live in Dianella and that would not suit me. All us girls at work love working in the City and we go for lunch and drinks after work. Where on earth do you go for nice lunch and drinks in Cannington ??? We shall wait and see what the outcome is. I remain hopeful the government continues to move more slowly than ever and that this ‘Possible Relocating’ may never happen. Your story is so true about where we live XXX
Oh gosh Christine, that’s not good news at all. Especially as you put so much thought into living in Dianella with regard to closeness to work. As you say so many people would have their lives totally disrupted although one or two would maybe benefit. I really hope things move slowly with the move … err like till you retire 😉 I’m so glad you related to my story though , sometimes I put stuff ‘out there’ and just hope that other people have similar dilemmas and it’s always heartwarming when they reply with their own stories. So thank you too 🙂
Hi Jo
Have been thinking of you and your move to Perth, how exciting to have a new place now to move into! You will have your special touch working in no time.
It is interesting how what you have always done changes after you reach 50. What is it about that magic number? The kids grown and leaving home, having the empty nest syndrome and being faced with new freedom choices – and facing ‘I have lived half my life, what will the other half be like?’ and ‘what if I only have 10 or 20 good years left?’ We don’t know what is around the corner so I reckon we need to take more of the ‘live life to the fullest’ attitude and have no regrets. We need to be able to do all we want to do! Sometimes it is scary – how am I going to be able to do this or what will it take to get this to happen? We need to turn scary into exciting and find a way to just do it! Well done on your move and know you will meet new friends while still maintaining the old, each day is a new opportunity, we just need to be open to what is on offer! Hope to catch up sometime soon. X Jo
Hi Jo, I love how you say we should turn ‘scary into exciting’ that’s such a good way of moving out of a comfort zone. Yes it’s so true we don’t know what’s round the corner and we must live every day and do things which perhaps at first we don’t know how to do. Thanks for your lovely thoughts and compliments too. Yes it will be great to catch up soon I hope 🙂
I need the good life am so bored with empty nest syndrome, doing the same thing day in day out. Spontaneity may be the key, though my husband doesn’t think so. Funny Jo our minds must think alike as I’ve just written a post for this week about how we become surplus to our children’s requirements, not that they would see it that way. Hope your move went smoothly x
Thanks Rae 🙂 Yes empty nest syndrome can become a little suffocating if old routines continue. I think spontaneity is a good thing – embrace it, say ‘Boo’ if your hubby objects 😉 I can’t wait to read your post about being surplus to our children’s requirements – I’ve been thinking about that same thing too. Maybe I should write a post before popping over to yours to see how much our minds think alike!