Not so long ago I was writing heart wrenching posts about our nest being empty (Some tips for survival), and how awful it felt; like the end of the world had come at worst, or at best it felt as if I was missing a vital part, like a limb.
I’d wander in and out of empty rooms which echoed with the ghost like sounds of ghastly music, and pathetically I’d longingly touch and smell any garments still hanging in the wardrobes.
What I didn’t expect was for either of them to return, nor did I think about how that would be, and at the end of this post are my few words of (hopeful) wisdom if it happens to you too.
My story
We have two children, 24 and 26 years old and their various leavings have been spread over quite some years. I wrote about their departures here : Why an Empty Nest isn’t Always Best, which featured on Mamamia.
The not so empty nest
I was bereft when they left.
What I didn’t expect was that they might return!
On the internet you might also like: How to survive your adult child’s return home and over on The Telegraph, Generation Boomerang
Which has got me thinking … Have any of your grown-up children returned to the family nest?
How to cope with Boomerang Kids
- Be kind and welcoming and talk about their future.
- Be upfront about contributing to household expenses.
- Remember they are adults now. Treat them as such – and not as kids.
- Don’t be holier than thou, or a when-we. Listen to their thoughts.
- Make the most of having young blood and young opinions in the house.
Merry Christmas from My Little Corner of the World
What an adventure. There was no boomerang option for me, I don’t think I would have wanted one. I probably needed one at times though, like now. House hunting is proving rather difficult.
Oh, I feel for you Raych. Househunting is never fun … and it’s all about compromise 🙁
I don’t know how we’d all cope if mine came back. I love them more than life itself. We grow so much and change whether together or apart, we have become comfortable apart. Those times together are more precious, I love to see them grow into their adult selves, I think they appreciate me now, and all we have done to be a family x
That’s so true Rae, about changing whether we’re together or apart. I find the idea of it easier than the reality, but I’m a romantic and idealist at heart. Yes, watching our offspring grow into their adult selves is a privilege.
I was a boomerang kid and retuned home at the age of 21. My mum, who was on her own at that stage welcomed me with open arms. There’s nothing like mums home cooked meals. X
You’re so right Vicki! I’d jump on a plane right now for one of Mum’s roast dinners!
I also have two grown sons at home — ages 22 and 25. My oldest is saving his money to move out, but other than still living at home is completely self-sufficient. We never pay for anything. I get its this generation’s thing to stay home longer, but it still mystifies me a little. My generation couldn’t wait to get out there and be independent. Still, I know I’ll miss my son terribly when he goes.
Laurie I agree … Our generation couldn’t wait to flap their wings and fly from the nest. But Yes, you will miss your son when he leaves.
Like Kathy, I loved hearing about your horsey adventure over the Channel from England!
Re life-changing events – I feel too much pressure is put on people that a decision needs to be so final –
Which not only makes the transition hard for everyone – It places an unnecessary degree of pressure that the intended outcome is achieved –
I love that serendipitous approach us travellers revel in that you twist and turn as encounters mould your path, whether that take take us to the other side of the world or back to the heart of home.
I don’t believe anything is forever… except for our memories!
I love the way you think Linda, and i echo your sentiments here. Nothing is forever, serendipity rules and memories should be our most cherished possessions.
Loved hearing more of your story! Miss 19 has been out of home for a year now, though she visits frequently 🙂 . Mr 21 is starting uni so he will be home for the foreseeable future!
Thanks Janet, I always wonder if writing about my own story is just indulgent or if people are interested, so thanks for your heads up! Aha, so you are not quite empty nest then, although I expect Mr 21 is quite independent.
I got married to leave home when I was not quite 20. So no fabulous stories from me about travelling the world as a worldly 20 something. Our eldest left home in his late teens to work in Albany for a while, then came home, and had a few other short work stints away. I was always thrilled to have him back. Then after marriage he & his betrothed lived here for about 6 months while their house was being built and she was pregnant with their first child. I was glad to give them his old room back to squeeze their life into. They live not far from us, and we are on hand to help with our grandies, and our grandies enjoy sleepovers. I couldn’t imagine them living so far away that we couldn’t be a part of their lives. Oops, here they are! grandy afternoon……it’s school holidays!
That sounds lovely Jill! And the benefits of having grandies nearby as a result of being there for your grown up children, must be an absolute joy!
Jo I am so interested to hear about your equine past. How fascinating. I so far have had my son back home for about 12 months after he returned from travelling around the world and was broke and unemployed. He moved out to share a unit with his girlfriend ages ago. However my daughter is taking 6 months off work this year and travelling to England on a working holiday and says she may need to move back in home when she returns. Gee I can’t wait!!!
Hi Kathy, thanks for sharing your not-so empty nest news and insights. I wonder if the next generation will have grown up children at home for extended periods? It’s an interesting phenomena of our times – has the world and our crazy economy made it so difficult for young people to leave home?