I’m at the skin cancer clinic having my moles checked.
No big deal, you might say, but I’ve been here before and the Pavlov’s Dog syndrome has struck, and memories from last year are flooding back.
In fact the memory of a cancerous melanoma (“Help It’s a Melanoma”) that was spotted and removed last year under local anesthetic has left me with a deep dread of this bright light surgery with it’s bamboo floors and shiny vinyl, black furniture in neat soldier rows. I reach around to touch the top of a reasonably long, white scar on my back, and shudder.
Table of Contents
At the surgery
My doctor is lovely, we have countries in common, we chat. He can put you supremely at ease if you let him. It’s not him that makes me anxious.
Blimmin’ Wimp!
I can’t tell my hubby, who’s sitting beside me, about my anxiousness because he’ll think I’m a wimp. Of course I am. I know a very brave young man who’s had over 30 metastatic melanomas removed, many of them at advanced stages. He’s a hero, you can read about him here: Clinton Heal, Melanoma WA.
I wipe my clammy palms on my neatly pressed dress and pick up a magazine. The first thing I turn to is an article about looking after your skin in the sun. Have I been doing enough of that this summer I ask myself?
Have You? Do you slip on protective clothing, slap on the sunscreen and slop on some sunglasses? I’d like to add a fourth suggestion – slurp. I certainly don’t drink enough water in the heat, and definitely should drink more. Err, water, that is, not wine 😉
But if I’ve been protecting my skin as I should, then why am I so anxious?
It’s because of what might be.
If I think about what might happen I can feel my blood pressure dropping and my face draining of colour. If my Doctor finds another melanoma it will be excised – what if it’s not in the early stages – what then?
The anxiousness bubbles like a witch’s cauldron threatening to spill over. There’s no return once the wicked spiral kicks in.
How to stop feeling anxious
So I’m practicing ways to handle these moments of stress and anxiety which appear to occur far more often now that I’m over fifty. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I’m lucky to have lived a great many years, and statistically have more experiences to draw upon.
Anyway. A fab fifty friend of mine said that she often feels anxious about things too, so maybe it’s more universal than I thought.
For my friend, and for me, and for you too if you ever feel anxiety strike, here are a few tips I’ve learnt to help quell the cold sweating monster.
Own that feeling
Don’t try to ignore the feeling because once your mind is set in action it’s not going to let go of the thoughts that are making you feel anxious. In fact the drunk monkey in your mind will have a whale of a time if you’ll let him. Mine does. He can set me into plummet mode.
Realise that worry isn’t fact
Worrying doesn’t mean that you know something. Or that something will happen. And it’s not going to prevent something from happening either. So somehow you need to get rid of that worrisome feeling and put it to one side.
Give the fear a face and voice
Grab that feeling or that fear and turn it into something tenable. Perhaps give it a face and a voice. A horrible face if you like. An alien monster – or a grizzly cartoon character with a stupid way of speaking.
Externalise the fear
Imagine standing up to that grizzly monster and shooing it away. Yell at it (though keep your voice down in public!) Remove the monster, or lock it up. I picture myself chasing it away with a pitchfork! (Must be my country upbringing!) Try it yourself, and see if it helps take away the impulse to worry or faint or feel anxious.
Take yourself to a happy place
With the monster out of the way, vamooshed, imagine yourself lying, or walking, or just being in a happy place. Breathe in deeply through your nose, and out ever so slowly through your mouth. Picture that place, and keep it on file in your mind for when you need to conjure it up quickly in times of stress or anxiousness.
Peace. You are where you’d most like to be. No worries. And no ugly green monster watching over you either!
Well, dear Lifestylers, I hope this helps you if you’re ever in a tight spot and being pursued by the ugly cold sweating monster. If you have any other strategies, I’d love to hear them. Please do share in the comments.
Alternatively, I’ll catch you out cold … on the vinyl.
(Oh, and I’m happy to report that I was given the all clear for another six months. So why the heck did I expend all that energy worrying anyway?)
Related Posts
How to Cheer Yourself Up When You’re Feeling Down
How to Stop Living with Regret
7 Things Self Isolation has Taught me
How to Find Purpose in Life After 50
Quotes to Inspire: How to Live a Better Life
Little Life Lessons : What Would Your 95 Year Old Self Tell You?
How a Walk in Bali made me Realise I’m a Worrier!
Until next time!
First of the Summer Giveaways
Yet again Jo you have voiced what all of us go through but are too afraid/proud to admit. I get anxious but try my best not to show it during the day but then have spent countless sleepless night going over and over problems. I have recently been reading some of the Stoic philosophy and one stand out question to ask: ‘is this a situation I have any control over or can change or prevent happening?’ If the answer is No the idea is to just accept that, go with it and don’t waste your energy worrying or trying to change an unchangeable situation. I am practicing ………..
Thank you Carol, and I’m really happy when people say that I voice what others are going through too. It gives me inspiration to keep on writing, so thank you for saying it out loud 🙂 Stoic philosophy sounds interesting, I must get to it. I like the stand out question, because really that’s the root of it, isn’t it? I too, shall keep that question in my mind for anxious situations.
It is hard not to worry that is for sure. How many nights I have tossed and turned over little things that I can’t change anyway. Many years ago, about 30 or so, I read a book at a particularly difficult time in my life, and I learnt to bundle up my problems into a big sack and throw them over a cliff and watch them float down the raging river, or imagine a big huge set of heavy oak barn doors which I slam shut on my fears and night demons. Sometimes it works.
ps – glad to hear all is well Jo.
Thanks Jill 🙂 And I love your helpful tips … Especially bundling up worries in a sack and tossing them over a cliff!
I am glad to hear all is well with you. Rae xxx
Thank you Rae 🙂
Yes I know that anxious feeling only too well. I had a BCC removed from my nose years ago and I imagined myself to be disfigured for life with half my nose missing off my face! It was extremely traumatic and now everytime I go for my skin checkup I get very anxious. I think we all tend to think the worst case scenario when really we have nothing to worry about. Deep breathes always help me!
Thanks for your support and encouragement too Kathy. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but glad that it’s (BCC) been kept at bay. Yes it’s an anxious time. Thanks for your tip as well 🙂
I’ve just been for a skin check and all the guy could keep on saying was how lucky I was to have spent the first 18 years of my life wrapped in English woolies so my skin had been protected from the vagaries of the Ozzie sun!
Well done for spotting and acting upon “that” mole so promptly – Although Australia has a high incidence of Melanoma, I read that we have a higher rate of successful treatments than the UK due to us being made so aware of its presence and so there’s a higher rate of early detection – which as you have found out is so critical 🙂
So glad that you have had the all clear Linda – I think you must have done well though, as I too spent the first 18 years of my life mostly wrapped in Granny knits in deepest darkest Devon! Yes, I always urge everyone to get checked – early detection is critical. Thanks for your lovely comments today 🙂
Glad to hear you got the all clear this time. I think just counting your breath helps during anxious moments and trying to feel your heart beating. That should take your mind off things 🙂 Mind you hopefully your body has reappraised the place now as somewhere that’s not so dreaded after all. I hope so. x A
That’s a great tip, thanks Annabel:) And thanks for your kind sentiments too 🙂
I’m so very relieved to hear that the checkup went well. My daughter is playing the waiting game to have some cysts aspirated after a mammogram sent her in for an ultrasound. The frustrating waiting game for women. Some years ago I had a basal cell melanoma removed from my nose and live with a weird looking white scar.. It is a non-cancerous mole that looks awful on already too large proboscis. High five to you dear friend, we will live bravely for another decade in our aging skin.
Hello Neva, my heartfelt best wishes for your daughter during the waiting period, and I hope that everything goes well for her. Yes, the weird lumps and bumps that have to be removed as we get older give us more ‘distinguishing’ features than ever, don’t they – but aren’t we lucky that we have the science and medicine to intervene at early stages (if we’re lucky). Yep, High Five right back at you too, and let’s live on as Feisty Females 🙂