Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night with the un-named dread and wonder “What’s it all about?”
I so often do.
And it happened again last night right after we’d been to watch the movie Saving Mr Banks (10/10) and I think it was because all those Mary Poppins songs (remember the heart wrenching, “Feed the Birds”, and joyful “Let’s Go Fly a Kite?” – yes, I know you do).
It must have been because the movie somehow invoked a feeling of loss. Mary Poppins you see was such a part of my childhood and I think I went to see it over 10 times with my Mum and my Gran, then when my own children were born we would sit and watch it together and sing along to the songs all over again.
And watching this movie suddenly gave me a sense of foreboding, as in: “Well, that’s it then.”
All those memories that came whooshing in like a great big teary emotional wave which had me sitting in the darkened movie house with tears streaming down my face. Oh so many memories Mr Walt Disney and Julie Andrews. Emma Thomson did a fantastic job playing P L Travers though, and there were lots of humorous moments in the film too but overall it signified so much that is over, gone, not to be repeated.
So then it struck me. It’s easy to wallow in the past, and forget that we still have many years still to go, and although we have lost being a child and a mother to young children, or possibly our careers are nearing an end, we still need to have a life purpose to ward off the un-named dread.
Much of my married life has been dictated by where Dave’s career has taken him (we’ve moved 19 times, 11 times internationally) or my time has been taken up with children’s needs, and now after many years of ‘being there’ for my family I realised a few years ago that it’s time for me to take the reins again.
What shall I do with the rest of my life?
Then I found that I didn’t have a clear idea about my life purpose anymore.
I wonder if you do?
Writing and Blogging
Creating, writing and editing my blogs has given me a reason to get up in the morning, and I have an overall philosophy that I want to be as helpful as I can with the knowledge that I have.
Perhaps it’s not a very lofty life purpose, such as saving the world, but it’s ok for now.
But there were quite a few years in between when I wondered what my reason for still being on this planet could possibly be, and times when I felt useless, rudderless, often miserable and frequently bursting into tears for no apparent reason.
I call them the in-between years.
An anchor was needed
For somewhere between then and now I realized that I needed an anchor for my life, a purpose, something that I could do even if we moved again or if everything and everyone deserted me … and that’s where writing and my blogs lifted me from the doldrums.
Why do you need a life purpose?
Without something that inspires you to get up you become dull and uninvolved with life.
I know I did.Everything seemed unexciting and nothing seemed really interesting. I could have been depressed but I think it was more the lacking purpose in life that made me sad.
How can a strong life purpose help you too?
- Having a life purpose pushes you out of the armchair, out of your comfort zone and into adventure.
- With a defined life purpose you’ll become more effective at whatever you choose to do.
- You’ll find that you begin planning your days so that you can do more – you’ll start getting up earlier, and watching daytime reality TV will most certainly not be an option. You’ll find more things are interesting and start having life dreams all over again.
Getting out of the comfort zone
Once you have interests again and a purpose, you’ll start growing again, not in height or width (silly) but in personality and character. You’ll become more interesting as you push and strive for greater things, you’ll have more direction and as the momentum grows so too will your confidence and people around you will notice the change too.
So if you don’t think you have a Life Purpose any more, have a look at the following list and why not let us know in the comments if anything inspires you – or tell us more about your own life purpose?
Life Purpose – what’s yours?
- To be a fab parent or grandparent
- To be an expert in your chosen field
- To create something wonderful
- To change the world in a humanitarian way
- To help people in whatever way you can
- To aim for a high level of spirituality
- To travel and have adventures
- To do voluntary work and help those less fortunate
- To leave a worthwhile legacy to your family
- To be positive and enjoy every day
- To study for a new job or voluntary position
- To uplift others
Anyway, I’m looking forward to having grandchildren – wonder if I can subject them to Mary Poppins on regular Nanna video fests at home!
You might find the following books interesting. They helped me in the creation of this article too. Why People Fail, The 16 Obstacles to Success and How to Overcome them by Siimon Reynolds (Penguin Books). Life Coaching for Work by Eileen Mulligan (Piatkus)
The Essential Little Black Dress.
This is a very important article and something we struggled with for some time in 2012. Redefining your purpose is important especially as we are living so much longer and there are so many areas of life that can inspire us and others. The key is determining one’s values which are unique to each individual.
Thanks for those wise words, Ely. And you guys are doing it so well – defining your purpose in retirement – good luck with your book launch too. Why not post the link to how we can buy it in the comments here?
Thank you for this well written thoughtful post that speaks to women our age. I also had a bout of melancholy after seeing Mr. Banks. it was a wonderful movie but did leave me thinking along the same lines. Today I return to see it again, to just enjoy the experience. It took me back to that time with a innate sense of time and loved ones long gone.
I had my life take an abrupt turn when I became ill on the job and had to take early retirement. After a years of medical treatments I returned to school for the first time in 30 years and earned two degrees. I reinvented myself but found the constant pushing at my age left me empty. So I stepped away and revaluated. I had a Mom who was full of joy and encouraged us to life our lives every day doing what we want, with great joy and gratitude. At 84 she was the happiest person you would ever know. So I decided to focus on what I love and not worry about what “others” are accomplishing. I ignored the face that I may not meet society standards but realized I had a unique opportunity with the rest of my healthy life to be happy. I re started daily exercise, I took time to learn about nutrition and feed my body only organic vegetarian foods, I sleep well and developed healthy routines that do not involve rushing, hurrying about or stress. I found a great inner peace and joy of life. I took a year and traveled by myself. I moved until I found the place I loved to live. I live for only myself and not others, I learned it was necessary in life to say NO! and be ok with that. Being 55+ has given me a appreciation of my health, time I have left and the blessed joy of each day we are given. Living for yourself is key, it promotes positive mental health and that reflects in our health. We only have so much time. I decided goals were for a younger self and I enjoy the moment, each day as it comes and celebrate the complete lack of pressure in my life. As long as I am true to who I am at this point in life, continue healthy habits and have a productive day doing what I love, I feel that my goals are met and I am at peace.
Thank you so much Lexie for such an awesome and inspiring reply. I applaud your honesty in sharing this with me and with other Lifestyle Fifty readers, many of whom I’m sure are nodding in agreement. I particularly relate to your thoughts about the fact that we only have so much time and it’s so important to enjoy the moment, stay true to who we are, and be as productive as we can, hopefully doing things we love. It’s so wonderful to hear about someone turning tragedy into triumph. May you continue to have your goals met and be at peace. Thank you again for popping by.
This is a great post. It will have people to define a life purpose. I would love to travel as much as I can and inspire others to do so. 🙂
That’s a great life purpose to have, Renuka 🙂 Thanks for your favourable thoughts about this post 🙂
The root of happiness I believe is as simple as having a ‘purpose’ –
However small in the scheme of things that purpose may appear – ie no matter how small the cog is that you’re making turn – a purpose means you’re needed and if you’re needed you have the reason why to get out of bed in the morning with a smile on your face!
Funny that you referenced Siimon’s book ‘Why People Fail’ – When it first came out I read and saw it totally as a business book, but when I recently picked it up again, I enjoyed it far more for all the skills he outlines for creating a fulfilling life 🙂
Thanks Linda for your insights and thoughtful comments. I so agree that ‘purpose’ is the root of happiness. As if to confirm, I was watching Downton Abbey last night and the theme of purpose relating to happiness is running through the second series.
I think life and business skills converge in so many places which is why Siimon’s book speaks on different levels. I read it purely as a personal life skills book.
We saw that movie last week too “Saving Mr Banks” … really enjoyed it and loved Mary Poppins – amazing how adverse things in our lives inspire great writing.
I know Ingrid. Maybe adverse things are the only true light to understanding and therefore writing? So glad you enjoyed the movie too.
Very philasophical Jo and inspiring and I think you are inspirational to everyone, having found you niche with the blogging. And helping others to find their niche, including nurturing their creativity and doing what they can to make them zing … you are “paying it forward”.
Awww thank you Ingrid 🙂 I’m ‘amped’ that you found it inspiring, and I really do want to inspire others to either find their niche or to find their blogging mojo too. You meanwhile, have two awesome blogs waiting to fly 🙂
yes waiting being the operative word 🙂 but we will get there!
I hope the waiting is brief 🙂
Jo, this is such a tough one for me. I try to live my life to the fullest and really appreciate every small moment. You see, I have a severely autistic teen who will always be dependent on me. My future is a bit scary and I don’t really have that freedom to just be. Such is life, hey?
I am so sorry to hear about your situation (Fair, Fake and Fifty) and my heart goes out to you. When I receive a comment like this it brings me to my knees. First of all because it brings home to me how very fortunate I am. Secondly, I fear my words which I put out to inspire, may have inadvertently highlighted some people’s lack of choice brought on by no fault of their own. I realise that we are all dealt different hands of cards in this life on earth, and how important it is to live every moment, and be truly grateful for what we have but I certainly don’t want to put forward gung-ho tips to shine a light on what people can’t do. I applaud you for living your life to the fullest and appreciating every small moment, and also wish you much hope for the future.
I think you have “hit the nail on the head” for a lot of people reading this post Jo – and I applaud you for opening you soul and sharing your night time thoughts…..we all have them…I know I do. I remember too going through a period like this when my Mum was sick about 6 months before she died. I was getting up in the morning and going to work and coming home, and that was that – nothing to inspire me – although I should have been happy with health, a job, grandchildren, travel and a lovely family. But I was not. But then a few interests entered my life, a writing group, flamenco dancing, and my passion for photography. Now I don’t have enough hours in the day – life is full and life is good.
But id doesn’t stop the fears of growing old and knowing that over half my life is already over. Still lots more to do!
Thanks Jo for another fabulous post that touches a cord with all of us 50-somethings.
I think you had good reason to feel like you did when your Mum was sick, Jill but I’m so glad that your new interests helped lift you out of the doldrums. It sounds as if your full life and new passions have given you great purpose for the next decade or so, and despite the fears of growing old (I relate to that) it seems as if you are well on the high road to carving out an interesting time for a good few years ahead.
Jo, I applaud you for writing this post. It is EXACTLY how I have felt/feel about my purpose in life. You could not have described it any better. My purposes in life pretty much shadow yours but I would add to it that I would like to slow down and enjoy the moments in life instead of always rushing around. Now that I am retiring I think I be able to achieve this!
Hi Kathy, thank you … and I’m so glad you relate. Like you, I’ll add slowing down and enjoying the moments to my list because it’s far too easy to let our days go by in a whirl of busyness in which there’s no time to smell the proverbial roses. Can’t wait to see what you get up to in your retirement 😉
I cannot believe how your post resonates with me today. I sat with an expert in a field that I am in and am wondering where to go from here, what study pathway to take, Uni for a Graduate Certificate or pursue with an Advanced Diploma. My thoughts in my head are, am I to old to do anything with a Grad Cert and should I settle for the other. So my next step is to have a discussion with ECU, the Grad Cert is only three units, but am I smart enough? Time will tell.
Hi Rae, it’s funny how sometimes something just ‘clicks’ at the right time isn’t it? But good on you for undertaking more study! Of course you are smart enough! I know it’s a cliche but ‘It’s never too late to study’ and with your life experience and work experience you’ll probably be streets ahead of the undergraduates, in more ways than one. Go for it clever lady!
Very good article Jo I need to get a new life purpose sometimes it is easier to drift than do but you wake up and think where am I going? Time to put on the brakes and get of the roundabout and DO something thanks for making me stop and think miss you.
So nice to hear from you Yolanda! And yes, miss you too. I’m glad my article made you think about what you’re going to do next, and I’m sure once you start thinking about “What” you’ll come up with quite a few interesting options now the kids are older. Good luck with getting off that roundabout – remember jump forwards!
Well I sure am glad to read this post and realize that people whom I consider to be successful, full of life, go-getters (like you!) wake in the middle of the night thinking – what now? Yep me too. I finished work early because it felt right. My kids are grown and independent (no grandkids yet), my husband is still working. This puts me in a kind of limbo – waiting for him to retire. Then we have the parent issue. Our parents need us and it is really hard to decide if we should commit to travel in say Europe when it might be more sensible and thoughtful to stay home. I know that I will love grandchildren but I’m not in a hurry for them to come along. It is a toughie. Thank goodness for blogging!
Hello Jan! First of all Thank You for the way you see me (I’m now a little worried I may disappoint when we meet in real life one day!), but it’s given me great resolve to be energetic and the best I can be! I think there are more women than we care to imagine who are at this stage of life – full of the midnight angst, and in the sandwich years with parents who need (or would like) us around, husbands not yet retired, and children who though independent still need us and might produce grand children in the near future. So there are always constraints, checks and balances no matter how much we may have thought the coming golden years would be without too many obligations or moral decisions to make. Yes, thank goodness for blogging 🙂
Jo, I understand and empathize with this subject. I guess this is why I have filled my life with so many goals (aka bucket list to do’s). Your Life Purpose list brought a smile, cause I’m attempting almost all of them. I see people that don’t have a purpose or reason for living and no one can change their mindset. At 71, I’ve got good health and plan on doing all I can by exercising my body and mind to keep it that way. I would love to discuss this subject further with you, please pm me when you have a moment.
Neva you are an inspiration because I know how many bucket list to do’s you have (and write about), and how many things you do in the course of your day to days right now. You had me at downhill skiing! Yes I can see that you’re attempting almost all the Life Purpose ideas on the list and long may you continue to do so. Go for it wonderful woman!